You cannot see them-
but I am tethered like Gulliver.
For every hour that I have slept,
another tiny string-
has looped itself around
another fleshy purchase.
For every thought and breath, another hook-
has woven through my hair, they’re
like tribal braids: they’re the lines
around a tent. These are the cords
that pull me on. These are the threads
that stitch me up. My eyes-
were first to go – they fell for love.
First, as a child
they laid themselves upon
my mother, father – a small, blue
budgerigar. Later, lashes crocheted
elaborate webs- they fell like tears
across my face and joined me up
to him. Threads swam
between our hips,
you couldn’t see them –
they were so thin,
but firm as iron we could not move –
You said: “I need my space”
Tugging on your line,
pulling at your collar like a flat, white lace
and I said- “I know. I know-
I need time too” then we would
collapse in silence, two mute fools.
Later, spools undone and cut again,
more lines were knotted round my head,
My ears, my toes – the endings of my hair,
they tied me fast in different ways-
and knotted like the corners of a
hanky, I could not turn, or try forget.
These cords they crept around my home:
the table from Ikea – cushions, carpet,
three-piece suite, they made a cradle of my job,
my phone, my work p.c. These tiny threads,
they wove against their weft
and tied me into loops – imprisoning
something light – something small
with wings and eyes and bright red beak -
tapping at the tight, white corset
made of string and binding deadness.
When I am free,
I will not stand for this.
I will speak to Clotho
and stay her hands and stop her wheel
I will speak to Atropos,
I will take her cutting tools
and slice her lines,
and tethered weave.
When I am free,
I will leave an unraveling
like angel hair upon the floor,
white, blond cords,
Rapunzals hair made short
and I will fly like clouds and balloons
like kites and arrows
and birds and stones
I will just roll away-
and feel no loss
and feel no pain,
for I’ll be free.
When I am free,
When I am free.
My cords are loose-
I sometimes feel them give.

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