Secret Agent Artist

I’m lying in bed
eating my forth ice cream,
when I get a text from an acquaintance
I haven’t seen for ages.

Having completed her 4th degree
in medically related sciences,
she has been spending the last year
seriously training as an Olympic Athelete.

She, and her fantastically attractive husband
will be flying out to Africa to volunteer on a
high powered, seriously important
UN governed project. She will be swimming

10 miles at my local gym -
the one across the road from me, that I never go in -
would I like to sponsor her?
I drop ice cream on the bed.

****

I’m going through bank statements
when my father rings to tell me
he’s invested all his money (my inheritance)
in a high class, can’t go wrong, fail safe

Angora Rabbit Breeding Facility. Unfortunately
the facility, has been very badly hit
by an unprecedented outbreak of
Mxamitosis. He and my mother

are now destitute, and urgently needing
somewhere else to live. Could they come and
kip on the floor of my council bedsit?
no pressure for the bed, he’s sure

my mother’s arthritis - will only hurt a bit.
He’s not sure how long they’ll need to stay
but is certain we’ll all get along swimmingly.
The taxis’ waiting. He’s got Angora Jumper for me.