Secret Agent Artist

I tried hard
to avoid eating
the mince pies.

Didn’t work.

I saw Father Christmas earlier today.

He was standing in the Bike Park
on the edge of The Square,
fully decked out in a red velor suit

and a curly white beard.

I’d said: “Wow, Santa! –
you here for the Sleigh?”
with a tilt of the head

and wink of the face
and he’d looked -
vaguely startled -

the way someone would
who’d forgetten
they were wearing

a bright red suit.

Recovering himself
he’d smiled with a grunt
and turning away, said to a guy

with an oil stained front

something about
the theft of a bike
and a cheque in the post.

And I’d thought - my god -
people today – even Santa
isn’t safe - and my god -

if I was a different kind of girl
I’d hunt the guy down
with a ‘K47 or a

long range gun.

Then I’d remembered
that I’d probably watched
too many seasons

of Tony Soprano
and Buffy
The Vampire Slayer.

I paid for my wheel
and took myself off.

I saw Father Christmas earlier today.
He was standing in the Bike Park
on the edge of The Square,
fully decked out in a red velor suit
and a curly white beard.

I’d said: “Wow, Santa! –
you here for the Sleigh?”
with a tilt of the head
and wink of the face
and he’d looked

vaguely startled-
the way someone would
who’d forgetten they were wearing
a bright red suit,
but recovering himself

he’d smiled with a grunt
and turned to a guy
with an oil stained front
to say something about
the theft of a bike

and a cheque in the post.
I’d thought - my god - people today –
even - Santa - isn’t - safe -
and - my god –
if I was a different

kind of girl, I’d take myself out
and hunt the thief down
with a K47 or a long range gun.
Then I’d remembered
that I’d probably watched

too many seasons
of Tony Soprano and Buffy
the Vampire Slayer.
I paid for my wheel
and took myself off.

I saw Father Christmas earlier today.

He was standing in the Bike Park
on the edge of The Square,
fully decked out in a red velor suit

and curly white beard -
checking the progress
of his bike repairs.

I’d said: “Wow, Santa! –
you here for the Sleigh?”
with a tilt of the head

and wink of the face –
and he’d looked vaguely startled -
the way someone would

who’d forgetten
they were wearing
a bright red suit.

Recovering himself
he’d smiled with a grunt
and turning away,

said to a guy
with an oil stained front
something about

the theft of a bike
and a cheque in the post -
and I’d thought -

my god - people today –
even Santa isn’t safe - and
my god –

if I was a different kind of person
I’d take myself out and hunt the guy down
with a K47 or a long range gun.

Then I’d remembered
that I’d probably watched
too many episodes

of Tony Soprano and Buffy
the Vampire Slayer.
I paid for my wheel

and took myself off.