An Apology: 2nd Draft

January 28, 2007

Is it better than the first?….

I want an apology.
For the gloss wrapped varnish
of womans magazines.

For the fish slick pages
of fake dreams,
models like cars,

with their red, slashed
gloss of beguiling charms,
come hither dressed in

children’s jeans.
I want an apology
for the girl,

splaying the weight of her thighs
on a gym seat, frowning in a mirror
and connecting up the

place at which they meet with
skimming the calories in breakfast.
I want an apology – for the long-fast

of the woman shivering in spring,
examining her wrists
like a witch through railings .

For the witch,
who’s really just a
woman over 30,

trying to hide
the lines that she’s made
whilst falling in love and

breaking her heart and
having a future.
I want an apology-

for The ‘Evil’ Queen –
happy to be childless
and The White Witch –

carving a world
from the ribs of the man
who’d been thinking he’d made her.

For the blood on her gown
and the hooves in her face
and the maw of a lion.

For Medusa
and Delilah,
and the old crone,

and the weird sisters-
and for the 4 siblings
that couldn’t all be

Cinderella:
for the women who fall
so she can stand

I want an apology.
Sometime. Anytime.
Now.

3 Responses to “An Apology: 2nd Draft”

  1. lifewords said

    I like the repeat of “I want an apology” in the middle.
    I like the greater simplicity of
    >>For the witch,
    who’s really just a
    woman over 30,

    trying to hide
    the lines that she’s made >>

    I prefer “The Snow Queen” and “carving a world from the ribs
    of male morality” from the first version.

    I like the addition here of Medusa and Delilah.
    I like the ending better in this version, with the more immediate demand for an apology:
    >> Sometime. Anytime.
    Now. >>

    Is it better? I do prefer most of the changes, so I suppose yes.

  2. catherine said

    Unlike “lifewords” I think “carving a world from the ribs of a man who’d been thinking he made her” is much stronger.
    I tend to prefer a concrete statement to an abstract one, like morality.
    Yes, I do think this version is better

  3. Hey you two, thanks so much for the considerate feedback. I find it so useful to know how work’s actually received.

    I think on reflection, I agree with LWs preference for ‘snow’ over ‘evil’. Not sure about the ribs verse-will read through a few more times and give it some thought. Thanks again!

    LX

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