Shout out to my homies…

March 9, 2007

Just been playing with the way this sounds, line break wise. Not sure if an improvement or not. Does anyone have any advise?

I think I can do nothing without you,
but tonight I am reminded
of the time I spent
in hospital-

convinced I couldn’t
make my own bed;
boxed against a wall
I called it a nest-

but you didn’t know me then,
shadow boxing
with rolled up magazines.
I was listening for the spirits,

hanging from the windows
shuttered on catches
to prevent our falls.
You won’t remember

the time I threw
fistfuls of food at the nurse.
Or when I forgot my room
milling in the corridor-

my uncles dog
before it died,
my alcoholic grandma.
You won’t remember

the conversations that they
thought I couldn’t hear:
spoilt like milk, like
tampered food, like

burnt toast, sugared salt.
I think I can do nothing
without you.
But I can remember

as I’m raising my sheet like a sail.

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3 Responses to “Shout out to my homies…”

  1. Lola said

    I like it broken this way. The way the sentences start in one stanza and end in another are reminiscent of the writer’s earlier, wandering state of mind.

    I’d suggest putting either a comma or a period after “wall” in the second stanza to separate it from the next sentence. Also, “boxed” in the second stanza and “boxing” strike me as maybe repetitive. And “uncle’s” takes an apostrophe.

    Very nice.

  2. Hi, your blog looks really good and gives great information! Anyway, nice job. Keep it up please!!! My best wishes to you all!

  3. I love this one. Its very beautiful.

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