Get your Tits out.

May 6, 2007

Get your tits out!
Fucking ‘el
nice breasts girl
can I ‘av a feel?
Look at the rack on that
PHWOR! I would, wouldn’t you?!
Wouldn’t chuck it out of bed
Oi, YOU! Come over ‘ere
and show us your boobs
your jugs, your melons,
your humps, your chest
‘Ere love – d’know, you’ve got
really massive tits?

Yeah. Thanks for that- I actually
did- but it is
very kind of you
to point them out,
it has afterall been a full
6 hours since I saw them last-
in the bath, getting dressed,
doing up my bra and –
oh yes! here they are again!
courtesy of you.

Sorry? what was that?
Am I taking the piss?

No, no, of course not
I’m just congratulating you on your
excellent powers of observation,
your honesty and
your bravery-

it’s rare to find a person
who’s quite so willing
to open up themselves
to such a free and frank
return appraisal

Now, lets see-
you’re…not very attractive
and (I’m sorry, but based on your
recent comments, I am going to have to say)
a little bit thoughtless,
ignorant and uninventive –
so clearly of below average intelligence.

Oh dear, you seem to be getting angry
Let me just finish…

though to be both stupid and ugly
is by no means uncommon
You are – I have pleasure in saying –
exceptional
in being so willing to draw attention
to your very clear limitations
by calling out to me in the street.

Say again? I’m a fucking plastic freak?

No, no, they are quite real-
I have thought of getting them reduced
But I rather think I’d miss
This kind of open honest banter…

Hold on – I’ve got something for you too…

You … pig ugly, stupid fuck
Why don’t you go and
throw yourself under a bus
you fucking insult
to men with brains – who is never
by any sane woman- ever
going to get laid

Yeah, yeah, cool.
Now, if you could just stop shouting for a moment
I’ll answer your previous question:

Really sorry, but I’m afraid it
is going to have to be a no:
you can’t feel them.

But well done you for breaking every rule
of social grace and asking.

Must dash now-
and I’m sure you’ve got to go and buy some
small brain,
tiny penis growing
chauvinistic paper? so,
bye for now..

See ya…
See ya…
Bye….

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5 Responses to “Get your Tits out.”

  1. Slightly evolved neanderthal said

    I’m surprised to see that, after almost a month, there have been no responses to this little masterpiece. You may remember that I offered some feedback – and questions about the background – in a private message, but perhaps some public comments will serve to get it the attention it deserves (though I’m sure it goes down a treat live – other than with bar managers, that is).

    Firstly, I feel duty-bound to apologise on behalf of my gender for fuck-wits such as this (see – I’m being supportive in my very language, as I think is entirely appropriate).

    Secondly, while your response to the retard in question fairly takes the breath away in its sheer cutting eloquence, in my opinion you actually let Damien off a bit lightly. (It was Damien, wasn’t it? No point in sparing his feelings under the circumstances. In fact, if this is how he got your attention in the first place, a rather worrying scenario presents itself, upon which I prefer not to dwell).

    Finally, for now, having listened to the audio version, I think the opening line would make a great ring-tone; you could probably make a killing if you made it commercially available. (I’d buy one, and I don’t even have a phone).

  2. Richard Weed said

    What’s this crap? You feminists are all the same, aren’t you? A bloke tries to pay you a compliment and you have to go and cut his balls off with some smart-arse comments! Now let me tell you Miss hoity-toity ‘poet’, I wouldn’t give you one if you were the last woman on earth and gagging for it, which I bet you are anyway because you can’t find a real man! You’re probably a lezzer arentcha? Now here’s some ‘poetry’ for you:

    Fuck off you fucking stuck-up bitch!

  3. There are SO many come backs I could use, so let’s just keep this simple…
    1: You don’t write poetry do you?
    2: You found this site by searching for ‘Get your tits out’ or ‘tits’
    (which one were you btw? Both show up on the monitor)
    3: I appear to have found my target audience.
    Thanks for reading:)
    Yours,
    ‘Fucking stuck-up bitch’…
    (PS: does stuck-up have a hyphen?)

  4. Alison said

    Girl…you are brilliant. Benjamin was right. I think you are more than a poet. You are a writer. Completely entertained and have nothing but praise for your witty and creative mastering of the painted and written arts. LOVELY!!!!!

    Ali

  5. You tell him SAA.
    That guy……gosh……what a tool.

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