July 20, 2007

The day he left I stayed in bed for 2 whole days.
For the first 4hrs – I did not move.
I stayed on my side beneath the duvet
and listened to the thud as the door to the flat
banged repeatedly, against itself. That day –
it was unseasonably breezy for summer.

I slept for a couple of hours-
and the wood on the latch was a lullaby,
but when I woke it was dark
and the thumping was loud
and I thought that he might have returned –
but he hadn’t. And I think –

I must have cried for hours,
but I really can’t remember how long it went on.
It was cold – my skin was hot, my face was wet,
I could not breathe for the mucus in my throat,
and my bed -had stuck to my skin
like a death shroud. Of course-

I did not sleep that night.
I watched the light from late day grey
to midnight black. I hugged a sack
like pillow – and recalled how I thought it a cleche
and on the morning – of the second day,
I wondered if I’d been forsaken.

It was around about then that I gave him up.
I remember the moment. It was like
a synapse crushed – a wish bone cracked –
a fine skin of bright white milk
split like blood. So I wasn’t expecting it –
but on the Sunday morning – he came back.

A sudden gust of wind
that seemed to cause the door to break its back –
proved in fact to be my love –
standing in the hallway like a hero –
returning from a war
and expecting to be thanked.

He seemed surprised
when I told him to pack. Even now,
I can remember his back –
bunched like a sackful of apples
heaving impatient and seething with
frost – Love,

I said, it should not hurt-
and it’s not about sacrifice
and it’s not about loss.
I’ve never liked tests.
and I’ve never liked bluff
and I really,
I told him believed –

that what fails to kill you
can only make you strong.

When he finally left,
I broke my fast on a plate of bread
and a cup of wine.
I’ve never liked sardines.

4 Responses to “Jess”

  1. That
    is absolutely wonderful.

  2. That
    is absolutely wonderful.

  3. Really powerful. Your best and bravest deconstruction yet.

  4. Thanks Alex,

    Just had another go at a redraft. Think still needs more work though.

Leave a Reply to endlesslyredonoursnow Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: