Get Your Tits Out (In The Field.)

August 4, 2007

Am getting better at real time ‘you’ve got large breasts’ come backs.

Yesterday at the Orange Tree.

Lydia (minding her own business) enters the beer garden, looking around for her friend, The Ghost Poet.

Previously unseen man, seated at a table closely to her left, amongst a mixed group of young men and women …

“That girl’s got the biggest breasts!”

Lydia (the subject of this observation) obviously hears this as easily as all the other people, immediately seated around the table. She is after all right next to them all.

Lydia looks straight at the young man with the admirable eyesight. Guilty pause, in which whole table goes silent. Lydia:

“and also, surprisingly good hearing. They don’t always go together. Hearing. And breasts. But on this occasion they seem to have. Don’t they?”

Young Man’s friends and/or possibly Young Man himself (Lydia is too annoyed to notice) start stammering some kind of feeble apology.

Lydia exits beer garden. Lydia Storms off. Lydia decides to write down her witty quip, for future reference.

This does of course come hot on the heels of my “Get Your Tits out” poem reading, read at WORD! this Wednesday. Just goes to show, you can’t practice these cutting put downs too often. It’s clearly a war out there. Bastards.

Oh, quick note to Googlers who having searched for ‘getting tits out in fields’, ‘tits out field’ (or some such combo) have unfortunately been directed here. Sorry about that, I guess you’ll be feeling rather frustrated around about now…

3 Responses to “Get Your Tits Out (In The Field.)”

  1. embarrassingfriend said

    Ah, immaculate. (I was never sure whether GYTO was as autobiographical as it appeared to be – now I know).

    How I wish I could think of an equivalent for all the ‘Mr Bean’ comments I get, or the unprovoked aggression that I seem to attract (of which there were two instances yesterday, which are not worth describing). One day, I swear, my pepper spray will be used in anger (though I’ll have to remember to move away from the direction of the spray if I’m not to repeat the disastrous results of the unfortunate test in my kitchen). Ah, I see I may be rambling.

  2. Pam said

    Good on yer. Art imitating life or life imitating art – a bit of both,eh..

  3. Sam Davis said

    You do have amazing tits though Miss.Towsey 😉

    Love you

    x

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