Mental Lentil

August 21, 2007

Good Lord. I’ve just spent 5 hours of my life (including soaking time, I guess) attempting to make lentil burgers from scratch. Damien attempted to stop me. His line of reasoning (that I couldn’t cook) was of course utterly wasted. Once I’ve decided to do something, I’m afraid I cn be very stubborn indeed.

Earlier at the supermarket, shopping for lentil burger ingredients, I saw my friend Vicky, serving at the checkout:

Vicky: Hey Lyd
Lydia: Hey Vic
Vicky: How y’doing?
Lydia: I’m making lentil burgers
Vicky: oh…I tried to do that once…my family were horrified…even I couldn’t eat them…er..I’m sure yours will be fine though. Your
probably a better cook than me.
Lydia:….
Vicky:…

Of course, ingredients bought, I was not to be deterred.

By 8pm the lentils (green, in case you’re interested) had finished their soaking, so stage two commenced. Stage two involved, boiling then simmering lentils, whilst finely chopping 4 cups of mushrooms and 2 onions. Stage 3…stir into the lentils 2/3 of a cup of bulgar wheat. Simmer for a further 5 minutes. Add tomato puree. Add yeast. Mix the lentil mixture into the mushroom mixture. Allow to cool. Roll in brown flour (yes, the recipe I am clearly following, actually specified) and fry the burgers in a small amount of oil. Serves 4.

Bugger does it serve 4. It serves f*ing 84 ! What’s more, I’m really not sure about that yeast ingredient. Yeast? In a burger? The kitchen is covered in (possibly) dangerously yeasty burgers. It’s like some kind of alien colony. And I set the fire alarm off twice. Damo took refuge in the bedroom. Then in the bathroom. Hmm. Maybe they’ll taste ok?

2 Responses to “Mental Lentil”

  1. embarrassingfriend said

    Does the five hours include the time to motivate yourself?

    BTW, in view of Damien’s recently demonstrated eruptive tendencies I’m somewhat surprised you risked lentils….presumably you know by now whether this was a good idea.

  2. embarrassingfriend said

    Come to think of it, five hours is about how long it took me to cook my Quorn sausages and instant cous cous last night (which I didn’t really want by the time they were ready, as I’d eaten so many biscuits in the meantime). I was going to invite you to draw your own conclusions from this, but I’m sure it wasn’t necessary…

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