Pantoum Blues

Trying to rejig the below sonnet and sestina into a pantoum. I have a feeling it should work better (if only because it’s form mirrors the repetitive nature of the pathology!) but, at the moment, it’s losing it’s way. Anyone..let me know if you have any rescue remedies. I’m off for a run. When I get back I think I’ll find another rhyme for church, purse just won’t do it, or I don’t think it will…

Polar Bear Pantoum

Mr Polar Bear, I’ve fallen in love
and every Saturday I’m there for you.
I bring my lunch, inside a paper bag
brown and crumpled, like for feeding birds –

and every Saturday, I’m searching words.
I sit beside you in our usual place
brown and crumpled, like I’m meant for birds,
I wear the coat with the kharki hood,

I sit beside you in our usual nook
and I draw the attention of the security guard,
wearing my coat with it’s kharki hood
arranging my gaze and holding my arms,

I draw the attention of the security guard.
And I stare at your body, its glowing saint,
and your fur is shining, and I’m holding my arms
and I circle us mentally with red paint –

I stare at your body, it’s glowing saint
and I am a pilgrim and this is a church.
And I’m mentally drawing a circle of paint
I’m mentally searching a miniature purse,

…in progress