Addicted to Viewings

February 5, 2012

It’s something about the way
you rightmove.com,
something about the way
two clicks to the one –

something about the way you do…
multiple searches for mid terrace properties,

I might as well face it
I’m addicted to viewings…

It’s Saturday night
and I’m on the computer
tapping in miles
and punching in details.

I’m looking for a match
like a Guardian soul,
spacious townhouse
picture book pose.

I’d like a garage
with a garden
and a room with a view,
an aga in the kitchen,
and a cellar
with a pool.

Forget about the fact
I’ve got the budget for a terrace.

Forget about the mortgage.
Forget about the credit.

Forget about the houses.
Forget about the moving –

I might as well face it,
I’m addicted to viewings…

“And here is the hallway,
here is the kitchen,
here is the master,
here is the boxroom.

Here is the box room
with all it’s potential,
you could fit a double bed
in any direction…

Ah, you’ve noticed the flooring –
yes sorry about that,
the yard’s overlooked
by 15 flats…

It’s a south facing lounge
with the view of a wall,
it’s an investment property
so best not stall!”

And I’m writing down numbers,
got a hobby like a habit,
got property porn
like thongs in the attic.

“Conveniently placed”
means near somewhere better.

“Attractively presented”,
recently painted.

It’s a “popular suburb”
so expect overcrowding

“A comfortable home”,
adjust expectations.

“Ideal, for first time buyers”,
so you couldn’t swing a poodle there.

“Original flooring”,
will need renovation.

“A traditional property”,
there are vertical stairs.

But it’s something about the way
you can peruse the unfamiliar.
Something about the way
you meet so many people.

Something about the way
it’s Location, Location, like outdoor TV!

I might as well face it
I’m addicted to viewings.

I’ve been bitten by the bug.
I’m a mainlined search.
I’m browsing all night.
I can barely work.

I’m glued to the glass of
estate agent windows,
clicking and ringing
and doing the Limbo.

I’m visiting lounges
vacated of sofas,

walking through walls
of a stranger’s photos.

If I ever bought a place
I’d just have to move.

I might as well face it,
yes I might as well face it,

I might as well face it,
I’m addicted to viewings.

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